That Kiss Was Goodbye
by jls62113
Summary: Rick and Michonne discuss, again, the ramifications of actions made in haste...ie, her and Carl. This short was what I was thinking when Michonne decided to go after Negan and not follow Rick and Aaron. I might chapter it, not sure yet.


Rick stood in their bedroom still shaking from the aftermath of Negan's visit. He had actually been in his home, alone with his children. He stared out the window not seeing the view, not focused on the insect that crawled quickly across the pane. _Where was she?_ He was glad she wasn't there while he was, but he needed to see her, needed to touch base, know what she was feeling.

"Negan was here, in our home?"

Her tone was full of venom, but he exhaled anyway feeling relief that she was alive. He turned to meet angry eyes.

"He was. It seems that Carl had the idea of going to kill Negan and Negan brought him back home. Did he tell you he was going to do that?" Rick looked at her with anger of his own.

Michonne was surprised at what she was hearing, but couldn't respond because she had attempted the same as Carl.

"No. I didn't know."

"I'm glad you made it home." Rick said quietly as he headed out of their room.

"Rick."

He stopped short of the door afraid of what she had to say.

"Before you left and I kissed you, I meant that as goodbye."

He turned to her barely able to meet her eyes.

"I know, I know. Is that what you want?"

She looked at him with eyes full of love and his knotted heart eased up a little.

"No, but I was sure of the possibility of never seeing you again."

She stood in front of him, her entire body shaking from the anger she felt.

"Where were you going?"

"I tried to get to Negan's compound, to kill him." She explained angrily.

"What?" Rick was livid.

One of the things he disliked most in his life with Michonne was that he didn't like fighting with her. Their efforts at cross purposes, and anger about their current situation was a dangerous combination. He closed his eyes against the chaos that was tearing them apart.

"He's not the governor Michonne. From what I understand his compound is about the size the prison was. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about Glenn, Abraham, Maggie, and Carl, the Rick I'll never get back because of him. He's destroyed everything."

"You think he's taken part of me away? None of me is gone. Sure I'm beat down plenty. He's bending me so far out of shape it feels that I may break. Regardless of what it looks like, he will have to kill me before he breaks me."

He watched the tears slide silently down her cheeks.

"I can't let him kill me Michonne because if I die, I have no doubt he would kill you all or scatter you. I'll let him treat me however he wants to prevent that from happening. Let him win these battles. I can't let him win the war."

She looked in his eyes and saw the hope rising in him, but was having trouble seeing it in herself.

He approached her, but this time not fearing she might reject him.

"I think about them too. Everyone we've ever lost, but I can't turn back. The hardest thing for me right now is what's happening to you and me. What I see when I look at you now is the woman I met at the prison. You had a hidden agenda which didn't concern me, but now it does. You shut me out and went your own way as if the only person you have to worry about is you, as if you're alone, and like I've never been part of your life."

"Rick, I didn't mean to."

"Maybe not, but that's how I feel. On top of everything else, you're pissed off and some of that has fallen on me."

She glared at him and her breathing got faster.

"You shut down after Negan lined us up."

There it is. The true reason for her anger.

"I had or he would have had me cut my son's arm off, and that little ride he took me on was to make clear to me that he owned us and would kill each and every one of you; the people I love, if I didn't accept his way. So I accepted it because I wanted what was left of my family to live."

Now his anger made tears fall from his eyes like hers.

"I had to deal with that!" He said poking hard at his chest. "How could I share that? What part of that did you want to take on? I wish I had the luxury and liberty like you and Carl seem enjoy to just be pissed off. The things the two of you do on your own can hurt the rest of us, and I'm the one with egg on my face and threats against everyone's life. Think about that the next time you want to kill a man surrounded by over a hundred men and who in Alexandria you would pass a death sentence to."

He started to leave, but stopped and stared at the ground.

"The way you are, wanting to stand up against Negan, is what I love about you. I can't tell you what to do, but I can't be worried about what you might do." He pleaded. "I can't even begin to formulate a plan in my head without worrying about what you're up to."

He ran his hand through his hair and continued to stand with his back to her.

"We both know this is tough, and everyone thinks I'm broken, but only you have the ability to break me. You, not him."

He walked out of the room and she heard his boots stop in the hallway. She thought he was coming back, but he continued down the stairs. Her lips trembled as she cried. She was letting her anger override her feelings for him and what he needed from her, he knew it. He always let her have her way, and she knew her influence on him. He needed to be supported not sabotaged.

She closed her eyes wishing Hershel was there. Rick was probably wishing the same, she thought, but he wasn't there anymore. She smiled sadly almost hearing his words telling her that they are stronger together than they are apart. She almost laughed remembering how her actions lately were ill conceived and steeped in anger.

She walked downstairs and found Rick standing outside on the porch. She walked out on the porch and stood next to him.

"I was thinking about Hershel." She said turning toward Rick who was leaning on the railing.

"What would he have said about this?"

"He would have said things will look better in the morning after a good night's sleep."

Rick smiled sadly as he looked out into the dark night.

"I sure could use one. This morning was the first time I woke up without you beside me. I really don't think I slept at all."

She smiled at him with tears in her eyes.

"I missed you too."


End file.
